I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
