Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(469): View more from Texas

Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.

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(904): View more from Florida

naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

That's practically a relationship for you

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(907): View more from Alaska

She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music

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(240): View more from Maryland

Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity

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(805): View more from California

I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.

(805): View more from California

Why do I even exist?

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?

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(813): View more from Florida

I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

How are you feeling today?

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.

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