he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
