This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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