why didn't you poke me back
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
