Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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