Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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