I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
