i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
