So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
