I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sext me about skeletons
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
