He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
