He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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