If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
