I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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