I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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