I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
