Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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