highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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