Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
