are you still at the devil's house?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
