Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
