Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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