How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
