It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
