I hate your face
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
