Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
