I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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