i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
