Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
