Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
