Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
