Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
