dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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