Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
