did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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