I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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