Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
