just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
