12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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