last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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