dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
