I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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