she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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