i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
