So drunk its hurt
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize