i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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