so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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