To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
