I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
