found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ladies don't puke and tell
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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