I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
