Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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