I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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