Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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