the condom got lost in my hair
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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