Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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