i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize