Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
