Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
