u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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