His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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