I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
