Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The adults are the big ones right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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