about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize