What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
