she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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