my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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