Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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